Definitive list of good and bad apples

A highly opinionated ranked list of different apple varieties. I enthusiastically agreed with AppleRanking’s opinion of some apples (e.g., Red Delicious: “coffee grinds in a leather glove") and shaking my fist in objection at others (e.g., Fuji: “the taste of used sponge water and the consistency of the dirty leftovers it cleaned”). How does your favorite apple rank here? — MF