I am so grateful when someone who is truly adept in their field shares their learnings, and Patricia Mou’s essay is a decade’s worth of wisdom in community building and holding space. My own personal journey with community has been about repairing what went wrong in the church structures I grew up in, so I feel very lucky now to be a facilitator and spaceholder within a few small webs of community, both online and in person. This essay reaffirms that, when it’s done well, community can be both life-changing and world-changing. The learnings that resonate most for me are: You will become everyone’s mother and father whether you want to or not. / You cannot ask for transcendence from a nervous system that hasn’t yet landed. / Light structure is what makes deep emergence possible. / What your community doesn’t talk about shapes it as much as what it does. — CD

My mother is a seeker, so I grew up baptized multiple times and in and out of various churches. As an adult, I’ve had to rebuild my relationship with both spirituality and community, and I tend to assume every organized group with a shared mission is a cult until proven otherwise. That’s why I really appreciate this carefully constructed “Is It a Cult?” tool by ClearerThinking. The assessment looks at things like unusualness, conformity, isolation, control of information, ethics, and sacrifice, reflecting the nuanced criteria behind their Cult Assessment tool. ClearerThinking’s programs and assessments are grounded in empirical data and are balanced in perspective, and this particular questionnaire understands that being a cult is not binary—it’s a set of traits, each of which lies on a continuum. — CD