The Library of Consciousness is a growing collection of writings, lectures and media about the human experience and all its mysteries. You don’t have to know what you’re looking for, just click around or search for keywords to navigate. It’s a source of inspiration. Right now, there are 200 authors in the library, and the curator says that they are actively seeking female and POC perspectives and welcomes recommendations. — CD

This article on “What Good Friends Look Like" prompted me to reflect on the qualities of my closest friendships. The author introduces Tim Urban’s “Does This Friendship Make Sense” Matrix, a framework for evaluating friendships by dividing them into four quadrants. Q1 friendships are both healthy and enjoyable, Q2 friendships are healthy but not enjoyable, Q3 friendships are enjoyable but not healthy, and Q4 friendships are neither healthy nor enjoyable. But the quicker method is Tim Urban’s Traffic Test — a metaphorical test where you and a friend are in a car together driving home. If you're hoping for traffic because you enjoy their company and conversation, they pass the test. If you encounter traffic and feel a sense of dread, they don't pass. I realized I might have a couple of those traffic-dread friendships, but that just inspires me to dig deeper into our conversations.  — CD

I love making resolutions and am never the least bit shameful or embarrassed if I pivot or don’t accomplish them. If you need inspiration for new resolutions, NPR put together their Life Kit expert guides and created a resolution planner for all the aspects of your life that you might want to improve or change this year. I was intrigued by the “Embrace my perfectionism” resolution which let to their What Kind of Perfectionist Are You? quiz. I took it and tied between Classic Perfectionist and Messy Perfectionist, which means I’m highly organized and reliable, but sometimes struggle with follow-through when distracted by new passions — which is true! So I’m embracing it.  — CD 

I think wisdom can be given by a person of any age or gender, but as a woman turning 40 I was really grateful to hear these experienced lessons from a 44-year-old woman. Below are a few of them. — CD  

• Start or end every day with writing about your life. There’s always something buried underneath the to do list in your head, something you didn’t realise you felt, that when written down, will make everything clearer.

• Allow friendships to come and go. Don’t cling onto friendships because they are old. Cling on to them because they bring you joy and comfort and laughter.

• The small details of your day matter. Be it your first cup of coffee in the morning,  or the way you make your bed, or a walk through the park on the way to work, life is year upon year of stacked up small joys like these. Take pleasure and pride in them.

• Put your phone down.
  Put your phone down.
  Put your phone down.

I find keeping in mind my estimated death date greatly helps me focus on important things. This website by World Data Lab will quickly give you your estimated longevity, calculated from actuarial tables. How long you live varies depending on where you live. I turn this date into how many days I have left and use it as a countdown clock. — KK

This infograph titled “8 Factors of Happiness” is worthy of revisiting whenever you notice discomfort. I’ve found the quickest way to dispel unhappiness is to ask myself introspective questions to find the source. Based on these 8 factors of happiness, I would ask myself: 

• Am I feeling suspicion and resentment? 

• Am I living in the past (or in the future)? 

• Am I wasting time and energy fighting conditions I can’t change? 

• Am I isolating myself or withdrawing from the world? 

• Am I indulging in self-pity? 

• Am I expecting too much of myself? 

I then continue the line of questioning to gain more self-awareness or I pivot to an easy gratitude practice, like listing 10 things that make me happy on my fingers. This usually gets me out of my head and back to the present moment, as well as in alignment with the values and experiences that make me happy. — CD

If you define success in the conventional ways – wealth, fame, accomplishments — then Sam Altman has a great list of tips on How to Be Successful that are very helpful in nudging you in that direction. Altman is the co-founder of OpenAI and ChatGPT, but he published this essay five years ago before he was “successful.” — KK

I am a reserved guy. I envy people who can toss off compliments to strangers, making their day. To help me get better at this I’ve been watching British comedian Troy Hawke greet random strangers on the street, showering them with creative, witty, genuine compliments. It is a joy to see strangers shine when praised for a small thing. Hawke’s tiktok/instagram performances, in mustache and smoking jacket, are genius and hard to beat, but his antics have inspired me to be more generous in sharing compliments. — KK

Someone on Reddit asked “What’s your best advice from your profession?” and below is a summary of the most upvoted answers. — CD

• Doctor: Never be afraid to get a second opinion. If your doctor is offended, that's one more reason to get one.

• Teacher: Read to your kids from infancy, make books commonplace, and point out things in the pictures. This helps them develop literacy skills from an early age.

• Plumber: Check your basement weekly for leaks or signs of damage, and change your air filter regularly.

• Auto insurance adjuster: Get a dashcam to protect yourself in case of accidents or disputes.

• Librarian: Ditch Audible and get a library card to listen to free audiobooks. Many libraries offer apps where you can download audiobooks straight to your phone.

• Government worker: Find life satisfaction outside of the workplace.

• Sales: Never celebrate until the money is in your account, regardless of how many times the client said yes or if there are signed documents.

• HR: Underpromise, overdeliver, and keep your mouth shut to maintain a good reputation at work.

I love reading people’s collections of advice and have recommended many of them in Recomendo. Here’s a list called 100 Things I Know, by writer and artist Mari Andrew. 

Examples:

• If you’re in an argument that’s going in circles, suggest switching roles: “I make your point, and you make mine.” It helps with empathy, yes, but also brings humor and levity to a strained situation.

• If you’re stuck in a place or situation you hate, see what you can do there for others. I learned this through experience: When I hated working at a law firm, I’d think of ways to brighten my co-workers’ days. When I hated living in [City Name Redacted], I signed up to teach ESL lessons.

• If you never learned how to dance at parties/weddings/clubs, you can teach yourself by watching videos of Motown and girl groups of the 60s. The songs are slow and the moves are simple enough to follow along to. You’ll get the rhythm and the basics down, then it’s easy to start embellishing with your own style. I identify as a good dancer, and I learned everything I know from spending a summer watching live performances of The Supremes.

— MF

In this 5-minute video by Big Think, Author Luke Burgis breaks down the difference between “thick” and “thin” desires and introduces the concept of mimetic desires. Mimetic desires are imitative and influenced by our external life, like our parents, friends and community. They are considered thin because they are ephemeral and not worth feeding. Thick desires are the ones that are aligned with our core and universal human truths, like growth and beauty and kindness. Burgis suggests it’s worth mining your life and reflecting on moments when you felt deeply fulfilled in order to identify patterns that point to what you really want. Lately, whenever I feel pulled toward a particular direction, I ask myself if this is a thin or thick desire and then decide if it’s worth my time and effort. — CD

For the past year, I’ve been a participant of ACER Integration — an online community and framework created by clinical psychologist Dr Rosalind Watts. The program follows a year-long, nature-based integration cycle. Every new month gives me access to guided visualizations, live sharing circles via Zoom, breathwork sessions and Q&As with some of the most prominent minds and voices in the psychedelic space. The community is not a substitute for therapy and it does not encourage psychedelic use — only a deeper connection to nature, ourselves and each other. ACER stands for Accept, Connect, Embody and Relate. For me it’s been an invaluable space to integrate life experiences alongside deeply compassionate, grounded and like-minded people from all over the world. And as I wrap up my 13-month cycle, I highly recommend anyone feeling called to connect with a community like this to check out the info pack and apply. ACER opens up to new members in October and applications are now being accepted. If you do apply, be sure to mention Recomendo in your application. ACER will offer a discount to Recomendo readers who are accepted into the program. — CD

I took The Five Senses Quiz created by Gretchen Rubin, author of “Life in Five in Senses”  and it identified my most neglected sense as Hearing. I was also given interesting suggestions on how to enhance my “neglected” sense. For starters, I’ve been ditching my AirPods when I walk my dog. I’m not accustomed to quizzes that tell me my shortcomings rather than strengths, but I appreciate becoming aware of my areas of neglect, because it motivates me towards improvement. — CD 

This online collection of motivational videos made by artist Michelle Ellsworth are incredibly intimate and funny and comforting to watch. They offer advice on personal problems and creative struggles and interpersonal relationships. They are unedited and around 2-5 minutes long. It doesn’t seem to be updated and not all the videos load, but it’s worth spending some time on if you need something uplifting. I clicked on a few titles that grabbed me and each one made me smile and made me feel more forgiving toward myself. — CD

In their most recent newsletter, Clearer Thinking put together a list of eleven of the most popular approaches to "happiness" and their techniques. The approaches are: Positive Psychology, Stoicism, Common Sense, Christianity, Insight Meditation, Traditionalism, Introspection, Self-Help Books, Hedonism, Altruism, and Community. I realized I checked off every technique under Introspection (Find a way to look at the world that resonates with you) and Common Sense (Sleep enough) and quite a few under Hedonism (Remember that you get just one life, so you might as well enjoy it). Three approaches that I made up for my own life and that keep me happy are: 1. Investigate my own intentions and make sure they are aligned with the highest good possible. 2. Take naps on the grass with my pets. 3. Find something to celebrate everyday. (Even if it’s just pouring myself a glass of champagne after the work day.) — CD

I’ve been reading Oneness by Rasha and I was really struck by the effectiveness of one of her allegories called The Plate of Life — where you imagine Life as a plate at a buffet table of experiences. Rasha suggests working backwards from the end of your life to now and consider what experiences you choose to put on your plate to create the life you want. I shared the full excerpt here on Twitter, which can be better viewed on a desktop. — CD

I took this mini-quiz to find out if I'm living my life in the "fast lane." The quiz is based on research of how fast pedestrians walk along a 60-foot stretch of pavement in different cities, and how that affects pacing in other aspects of life. Turns out I am somewhere in the middle. I scored a 37. — CD

Rather than making new year’s resolutions, I answered these seven pairs of questions, structured as a “Personal Annual Report” in this downloadable PDF created by Shane Parrish at Farnam Street. For instance, “What can I do this year that will leave me in a better position for next year?” The quick exercise is worth doing once a year.  — KK

This new tool by the Clearer Thinking team helped me discover and build a list of my own guiding principles. Your principles are what guides you when making decisions and if you know what they are, you can have less anxiety surrounding decisions and make them faster. Here are a few questions and principles that influence my decisions:

• Choose life-expanding choices over comfort.

• Ask yourself how this serves your growth.

• Can I accept the consequences of this choice? If I can, that is true freedom.

• What would my fully-actualized self do?

• When in doubt, opt for the natural path over the forced path.

— CD

If you’re not the type to make resolutions for the new year, you might like this list of 27 Life-Changing Micro Habits That Require Only A Few Minutes. Here are some of them: Vow to walk around for two minutes every hour you sit at your desk. Start each workday with five long and deep breaths to calm your mind and get ready for the day ahead. Practice gratitude while you’re in the shower. Write for two minutes in the morning as you drink your coffee. — CD