I appreciated this Instagram post as a reminder that happiness or a happy ending does not necessarily mean getting what you wanted. When faced with challenges, I experience the most growth not by everything working out as I had hoped, but often by accepting situations and people just as they are. Acceptance also helps me discover a better, more resilient version of myself, one with a greater capacity to face obstacles. Some of the other possible happy endings listed are: finding yourself again, making new connections, and trusting yourself to take the next steps. — CD

Messages for Life are short, inspirational emails that have been brightening my days. They arrive only on weekday mornings and always contain a positive message, like reminders to slow down, relax, celebrate yourself, and play. These messages convey a lot of wisdom in a very natural and relatable way. They feel like love letters from the Universe. — CD

I recently came across a Reddit thread that asked, “What’s your ‘I can’t believe other people don’t do this’ hack?” Here are some tips I had never heard of before:

• I have a keyboard shortcut on all my devices where @@ automatically enters my email address.

• When you're cleaning up "goopy" stuff that can't be absorbed, use two flat stiff things like the edge of two pieces of cardboard and literally scoop it up.

• I am shocked at the number of people that don’t put their sheet sets in the matching pillow case for storage until use. It keeps it all together!

• Clean out your fridge before grocery shopping! Eliminates mystery Tupperware and always reminds you of something you need to pick up.

• When tech stops working and you need to “turn it off and back on again”, turn it off, and ALWAYS wait 10-15 seconds or more before turning it back on. This allows the capacitors inside holding the memory bits to fully discharge, and it allows the device to fully reset fresh.

• 2 colour matched £10 flower bouquets combined are normally more varied and bigger than a £20 bouquet.

Check out the entire thread here. — CD

I am working on a new book of my photography that has all the images arranged by color. That arrangement is surprisingly compelling and unleashes all kinds of new joys. This has made me very attentive to the idea of following a color. Rob Walker publishes a fantastic newsletter devoted to noticing things, called The Art of Noticing, and recently featured the concept of color walks, where you follow colors while walking, as a way of amplifying your ability to notice things. It really works. — KK

Vorfreude means “the pleasure of anticipation.” I learned it from Jono Hey’s excellent Sketchplanations newsletter. “The magic of vorfreude lies in how it stretches out the pleasure of any upcoming event or experience,” writes Jono. “Once I hit 'Confirm' to book a trip, it kicks off joy for months whenever I think about the trip.” — MF

Found on Reddit, here is a cute illustration of very polite and empathetic ways to decline social invitations. I typically respond with a combination of "thank you for thinking of me" and "I'm sorry I can't make it." If it's someone I definitely want to spend time with, I follow up with an invitation to meet up in the near future. — CD

Here is something everyone should have in their communication toolkit: “35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly”. This article provides practical phrases and advice on how to assertively set boundaries without causing unnecessary conflict. These phrases work in a wide range of scenarios, from dealing with children and family to workplace dynamics. Here are a few examples: 

• "I'm not available." - Helps establish off-hours and personal time boundaries.

• "I need you to help me." - Encourages teamwork and shared responsibility.

• "I don't agree." - Clearly states disagreement while remaining open to finding a mutual solution.

• "I understand you need my help, but I cannot work on this right now." - Balances empathy with personal limits.

• "I prefer not to discuss this topic with you. It makes me feel uncomfortable." - Protects emotional well-being by avoiding triggering subjects.

Note: Both of my recommendations this week were discovered in Matt Rutherford’s newsletter, 👓 Stuff—a weekly email crammed full of tips for a better life. If you love Recomendo, I highly recommend subscribing to Matt’s newsletter. — CD 

Compassion-Focused Therapy helps manage your threat system and activate your safeness system during stressful interactions with other people. The four main points are recognizing triggers, practicing mindfulness, using soothing techniques like rhythm breathing, and responding with compassion. For instance, when provoked, pause, breathe deeply, and express your feelings calmly to avoid escalating conflict. For more, read "How to take the high road" at Psyche. A shorter version: “Be polite to rude strangers – it’s oddly thrilling.” — MF

Sasha Chapin, author of All the Wrong Moves: A Memoir About Chess, Love, and Ruining Everything, recently wrote a list of 50 things he knows. Here are a few samples:

• I know that travel is valuable because most knowledge can’t be written down. The most crucial info about a society is how it feels to be there—the rhythms of street life, where and when people eat meals, how gender works. You can read a million things about Japan without knowing the bodily experience of walking around in a truly high-trust society, for example.

• I know that unless you are exceptionally good with ripostes, the best way to win a fight with an angry person on the internet is to not respond. They will look ridiculous fuming impotently on their own.

• I know how to peel ginger. Use a spoon. The first time you do this, you’ll feel like you’re Neo with a fresh brain full of downloaded kung fu skills.

— MF

The Library of Consciousness is a growing collection of writings, lectures and media about the human experience and all its mysteries. You don’t have to know what you’re looking for, just click around or search for keywords to navigate. It’s a source of inspiration. Right now, there are 200 authors in the library, and the curator says that they are actively seeking female and POC perspectives and welcomes recommendations. — CD

This article on “What Good Friends Look Like" prompted me to reflect on the qualities of my closest friendships. The author introduces Tim Urban’s “Does This Friendship Make Sense” Matrix, a framework for evaluating friendships by dividing them into four quadrants. Q1 friendships are both healthy and enjoyable, Q2 friendships are healthy but not enjoyable, Q3 friendships are enjoyable but not healthy, and Q4 friendships are neither healthy nor enjoyable. But the quicker method is Tim Urban’s Traffic Test — a metaphorical test where you and a friend are in a car together driving home. If you're hoping for traffic because you enjoy their company and conversation, they pass the test. If you encounter traffic and feel a sense of dread, they don't pass. I realized I might have a couple of those traffic-dread friendships, but that just inspires me to dig deeper into our conversations.  — CD

I love making resolutions and am never the least bit shameful or embarrassed if I pivot or don’t accomplish them. If you need inspiration for new resolutions, NPR put together their Life Kit expert guides and created a resolution planner for all the aspects of your life that you might want to improve or change this year. I was intrigued by the “Embrace my perfectionism” resolution which let to their What Kind of Perfectionist Are You? quiz. I took it and tied between Classic Perfectionist and Messy Perfectionist, which means I’m highly organized and reliable, but sometimes struggle with follow-through when distracted by new passions — which is true! So I’m embracing it.  — CD 

I think wisdom can be given by a person of any age or gender, but as a woman turning 40 I was really grateful to hear these experienced lessons from a 44-year-old woman. Below are a few of them. — CD  

• Start or end every day with writing about your life. There’s always something buried underneath the to do list in your head, something you didn’t realise you felt, that when written down, will make everything clearer.

• Allow friendships to come and go. Don’t cling onto friendships because they are old. Cling on to them because they bring you joy and comfort and laughter.

• The small details of your day matter. Be it your first cup of coffee in the morning,  or the way you make your bed, or a walk through the park on the way to work, life is year upon year of stacked up small joys like these. Take pleasure and pride in them.

• Put your phone down.
  Put your phone down.
  Put your phone down.

I find keeping in mind my estimated death date greatly helps me focus on important things. This website by World Data Lab will quickly give you your estimated longevity, calculated from actuarial tables. How long you live varies depending on where you live. I turn this date into how many days I have left and use it as a countdown clock. — KK

This infograph titled “8 Factors of Happiness” is worthy of revisiting whenever you notice discomfort. I’ve found the quickest way to dispel unhappiness is to ask myself introspective questions to find the source. Based on these 8 factors of happiness, I would ask myself: 

• Am I feeling suspicion and resentment? 

• Am I living in the past (or in the future)? 

• Am I wasting time and energy fighting conditions I can’t change? 

• Am I isolating myself or withdrawing from the world? 

• Am I indulging in self-pity? 

• Am I expecting too much of myself? 

I then continue the line of questioning to gain more self-awareness or I pivot to an easy gratitude practice, like listing 10 things that make me happy on my fingers. This usually gets me out of my head and back to the present moment, as well as in alignment with the values and experiences that make me happy. — CD

If you define success in the conventional ways – wealth, fame, accomplishments — then Sam Altman has a great list of tips on How to Be Successful that are very helpful in nudging you in that direction. Altman is the co-founder of OpenAI and ChatGPT, but he published this essay five years ago before he was “successful.” — KK

I am a reserved guy. I envy people who can toss off compliments to strangers, making their day. To help me get better at this I’ve been watching British comedian Troy Hawke greet random strangers on the street, showering them with creative, witty, genuine compliments. It is a joy to see strangers shine when praised for a small thing. Hawke’s tiktok/instagram performances, in mustache and smoking jacket, are genius and hard to beat, but his antics have inspired me to be more generous in sharing compliments. — KK

Someone on Reddit asked “What’s your best advice from your profession?” and below is a summary of the most upvoted answers. — CD

• Doctor: Never be afraid to get a second opinion. If your doctor is offended, that's one more reason to get one.

• Teacher: Read to your kids from infancy, make books commonplace, and point out things in the pictures. This helps them develop literacy skills from an early age.

• Plumber: Check your basement weekly for leaks or signs of damage, and change your air filter regularly.

• Auto insurance adjuster: Get a dashcam to protect yourself in case of accidents or disputes.

• Librarian: Ditch Audible and get a library card to listen to free audiobooks. Many libraries offer apps where you can download audiobooks straight to your phone.

• Government worker: Find life satisfaction outside of the workplace.

• Sales: Never celebrate until the money is in your account, regardless of how many times the client said yes or if there are signed documents.

• HR: Underpromise, overdeliver, and keep your mouth shut to maintain a good reputation at work.

I love reading people’s collections of advice and have recommended many of them in Recomendo. Here’s a list called 100 Things I Know, by writer and artist Mari Andrew. 

Examples:

• If you’re in an argument that’s going in circles, suggest switching roles: “I make your point, and you make mine.” It helps with empathy, yes, but also brings humor and levity to a strained situation.

• If you’re stuck in a place or situation you hate, see what you can do there for others. I learned this through experience: When I hated working at a law firm, I’d think of ways to brighten my co-workers’ days. When I hated living in [City Name Redacted], I signed up to teach ESL lessons.

• If you never learned how to dance at parties/weddings/clubs, you can teach yourself by watching videos of Motown and girl groups of the 60s. The songs are slow and the moves are simple enough to follow along to. You’ll get the rhythm and the basics down, then it’s easy to start embellishing with your own style. I identify as a good dancer, and I learned everything I know from spending a summer watching live performances of The Supremes.

— MF

In this 5-minute video by Big Think, Author Luke Burgis breaks down the difference between “thick” and “thin” desires and introduces the concept of mimetic desires. Mimetic desires are imitative and influenced by our external life, like our parents, friends and community. They are considered thin because they are ephemeral and not worth feeding. Thick desires are the ones that are aligned with our core and universal human truths, like growth and beauty and kindness. Burgis suggests it’s worth mining your life and reflecting on moments when you felt deeply fulfilled in order to identify patterns that point to what you really want. Lately, whenever I feel pulled toward a particular direction, I ask myself if this is a thin or thick desire and then decide if it’s worth my time and effort. — CD