I had a very happy aha moment when I came across this illustrated insight of happiness in the More to That newsletter. “Happiness is the difference between what you have, and your definition of enough.” — CD
We have been practicing gratitude all wrong. Instead of noting what you are grateful for, you should try “mental subtraction” and think of one positive event or aspect of your life and then mentally take it away. Contemplate what your life would be like without your home, health, job, partner, etc. and the effect of this will be an enhanced sense of appreciation. — CD
This Stanford TEDx talk, Designing Your Life, serves two purposes: in 25 minutes it introduces the modern method of “design thinking,” developed at the Stanford Design School, which is a powerful process for designing anything (a product, a house, a service, a city). This is the best succinct summary of this cool tool that all creators should know about. Then this talk illuminates how you can apply this “design thinking” to designing your own life. The process maps well, and I realized that I have been using its principles as I deliberately design my life. — KK
Johnny Webber (@johnny_webber) posted a Life Assessment Checklist on his blog to help you identify the things you might need to work on. I quickly went through and discovered that: (argh) I really have to commit to stretching everyday. I don’t have a 5-year career plan! Do I really need one? And, I’m not sure if I can confidently say I contribute to my community. Does Recomendo count? These are all things I will reflect on. — CD
There are often good reasons for saying “no” to a request. You might be overcommitted, you might be the wrong person to do it, or you might not want to do it. This article presents a good guide on saying no. — MF
Remind yourself that time is valuable and once it’s spent you absolutely can’t get it back.
Ask yourself: “Would I be willing to do this thing tomorrow?” It’s easy to sign yourself up for something in April when it’s only September. Do your future self a favor and try this little exercise.
Respond quickly. Don’t leave people hanging once you know you’re saying no.
Own your “no” if it’s not a priority (because something else actively is): “Thanks so much for thinking of me. I’m not going to be able to take this on, but I wish you the best with X.”
Reframe your “no” to assuage your guilt (if it’s something you genuinely wish you had time for). Acknowledge that this commitment is significant to you, even if you’re not taking it on. A good sample script: “This is so important that it deserves someone’s full energy, and since I can’t do that because I have XYZ other things, I would be dishonoring the importance of this event/role/weekend getaway by saying yes.”
No matter your background or beliefs, these wise and compassionate Buddhist guidelines for living are simply vital. Here are the ones I am trying to adopt: Consume mindfully — Eat with awareness and gratitude. Pause before buying and see if breathing is enough. Pay attention to the effects of media you consume. — CD
I am a big advocate for talk therapy. Paying someone to listen me vent/ramble, who in return offers sound advice and clarity has improved every aspect of my life. Having shared that, Catherine Andrews, who I consider a self-care expert, has written a very thoughtful post on her favorite healing resources to help you move past talk therapy. I was excited to discover some tools I had never heard of before, like Embodiment, Future-Self Journaling, and Sound Baths. — CD
I think being able to make someone feel better is a superpower and one that I often fail at when I go into problem-solving mode too soon. This article outlines “The Four States of Distress” — 1. Shocked. 2. Feeling bad and not wanting to feel better. 3. Ready to feel better. 4. Feeling better and needing solutions. — and suggests the most helpful actions you can take to comfort someone at each state. It also shines a light on “comfort languages,” and after some thought, I recognized my comfort language is having someone help me explore and understand my feelings (and distraction helps too!). — CD
I’m sure I’m afflicted by a lot of cognitive biases, but I like this list of 9 common biases, because of the short advice on how to overcome them. I’ll admit that I struggle with the halo effect — “when your overall impression of someone is influenced by one part of their character” — but I’m working on it and trying to appreciate humans in all their complexities. — CD
I love this small, illustrated handbook for easing anxiety: Get Out of My Head: Inspiration for Overthinkers in an Anxious World. It has become a roadmap to help me navigate out of my anxieties and distortions, and it’s so much more magical than it is clinical. You can pick it up and start anywhere in the book at any time, and you’ll find playful ways to reframe your thinking and easy actionable advice to try now. My favorite part of the book is that it comes with an even smaller pocket book inside, with soothing illustrations, that acts as a visual tool to help you, “when something is wrong, but nothing is wrong.” — CD
Writing instructor David Perell wrote about the 50 ideas that changed his life. Here’s one: “Competition is for Losers: Avoid competition. Stop copying what everybody else is doing. If you work at a for-profit company, work on problems that would not otherwise be solved. If you’re at a non-profit, fix unpopular problems. Life is easier when you don’t compete. (Hint: don’t start another bottled water company).” — MF
The lifehacking guru Tim Ferriss compiled 17 questions he frequently asks himself, which I find useful to review myself every now and then. They are meant to help ensure that I spend my time on the right things. You can download them as a “17 Questions That Changed My Life” PDF. — KK
I’ve developed this small habit of editing my internal monologue when I catch myself saying something negative or absolute. If the thought “This sucks — it’s never any fun,” pops into my head, I immediately correct myself with “This sometimes sucks. It might be fun.” If I don’t autocorrect myself I stay stuck in a negative mood, but when I do, I let go of the negative outcome and just roll with whatever. I first came across this trick here: This Small Change in Your Language Can Help Downplay Negativity. — CD
This simplistically designed website lets you quickly swipe through cards with kind suggestions meant to uplift your spirits when needed. It works well on both your phone and desktop (on your desktop you press spacebar instead of swiping). — CD
This Ultimate Cheatsheet for Critical Thinking is a set of questions to ask yourself when you encounter new (or revisit old) ideas and information. It’s useful for that, but I’m using it to help develop characters and scenes for creative writing. — MF
I tend to use meditation to help me slow down and ease into discomfort or when I feel my anxiety flaring up, but I came across this 30-minute Life Visioning meditation on my Aura app and felt completely transformed after it. At first the breathing exercises and noises felt hokey, but it helped to put me into an almost hypnotic relaxed state, and then the narrator took me down a dark tunnel to meet my “future self” and I was able to see her so clearly! I was so moved by this whole practice. I’ve done it three times since, and each time I discover some new desire or goal that is buried within me. — CD
Every once in awhile I will be scrolling through Reddit and come across a short reminder or tip post that simply says: Relax your jaw. I’m not sure at what moment it became second nature to me, but I noticed in the last week I’ve started relaxing my jaw at the first sign of anxiety or discomfort, which is great, because I then check-in with my entire body and relax my shoulders, and just that in itself is an instant mood booster. So I would like to pay it forward with a reminder to relax your jaw. — CD
This episode of the Tim Ferris podcast with Psychotherapist Esther Perel was very timely and enlightening. Perel shares templates for navigating the tactically challenging situations that relationships might be facing at this moment in time, as well as phrases for deepening the conversation with loved ones. For example, with those who are prone to answering “great” when you ask how they are doing, a good follow up question would be “how are you sleeping?” This is a wake-up call for me because I am one of those people who feels like I am not allowed to complain when there is a lot to be grateful for, but in her words, “You can feel humble, you can feel thankful to things, but you can’t feel great in this moment because if you’re feeling great in this moment, you’re detached. You’re disconnected.” And that warrants a moment of acknowledgement. Another tip I pulled from this that was inspired by a past episode with Brené Brown was to each morning give your partner a heads up of where your emotional/energy level is at with a percentage of how full your tank is. So if I don’t sleep well or am feeling cranky, I will let my husband know I’m at 20%, so please tread lightly. — CD
My inbox has an abundance of newsletters and emails with advice for the current situation, as does my newsfeed. I feel connected, grateful and overwhelmed. Here are the links I found most helpful and am happy to share:
Giant list of shared ideas for quarantine/social distancing with kids
20 journaling prompts I swear by to get you out of your head
How to Not Let the Coronavirus Steal Your Mental Health While You’re At Home (This was emailed to me by my therapist who got it from a professional/therapist networking online group and was told that it could be shared) — CD
According to this Fast Company article, patience is hackable by thinking as concretely as possible to perceive wait times as shorter. For me, what has always worked without fail is my secret grocery-store shopping mantra: “I am zen. I am floating.” And then I just imagine myself floating through the store, not bumping my cart into other people or rushing to get past them, and smiling softly like a weirdo. But it works! And when irrational anger starts to rise up, I think about this quote by Thich Nhat Hanh, “Three hundred years from now where will you be and where shall I be?” – CD